The Three Game Levels
Every clash is on one of these. Most people read it as the one that looks the same as the others.
Casual: the warm-up tier. Friendly, reversible, no real stakes. The "we are just going back and forth" one. You can walk away and nothing is lost, because neither side committed. The tell is that everything is soft - no deadlines, no consequences, both sides still laughing.
Competitive: the real contest. There are rules, there is pressure, and someone will win. The two sides are on the same board and the moves are valid on both sides. The tell is the commitment - one or both have put something real on the line, and the answer to "what happens if you lose" is no longer nothing.
We Don't Play: the strike tier. One side has moved up and the other is still on the old board. Their moves look fine on their level and are not a move at all on the new one. The tell is the gap in language - they are talking about a thing the other side has already stopped counting, which is why the line "we don't play" is the only honest answer.