The Four Tones

The question is the same every time. What changes is the ton you can afford, and the tone is decided by two things: how badly the other person needs it to keep being a real question, and how much you can actually live with the cost of the answer. A full send is only available to the one who can afford to say it and mean it - everything else is a smaller move in search of the same courage.

Matching Tone to Situation

• A question about the money wants a number or a pushback, rarely a send.
• A question about the life wants either full respect or a real send - there is no middle that lands.
• A settle-down question is the one that takes the subject change best of all.

The Cost of the Tone

Every tone has a price. Full respect costs you the edge. The pushback costs you the easy agreement. The send costs you the peace of the room. The subject change costs you almost nothing - which is why it is the move you reach for when you do not actually want to answer, and it is the move that reads as the answer when you do.

How To Play

Step 1. Read which version of the question is on the table.

Step 2. Pick the tone you can actually live with.

Step 3. A full send is only for the one you can mean it.

Step 4. The subject change is the cheap one, the strong one.

Step 5. Set the dose to the level you would say out loud.

Step 6. Get the line, say it, live with it.